falling off bikes since 1975

The aftermath of SSWC08 has left a bad taste in my mouth. Which is quite remarkable since I didn’t even go, so I can’t comment on the race or the venue myself. It’s not SSWC08 that leaves me wondering about whether I want to include myself in the clique that is singlespeeeding, but the middle class prevaricating afterwards. It has touched and niggled at my inverted snob nerve.

I have wanted to distance myself from the sort of singlespeeders who have complained that Napa not being the sort place that a bunch of “dirtbag bike riders” are generally seen.

Now I’ve only been to Napa once, and that was a fleeting pass through on a fly-drive holiday over ten years ago. As it happens I’ve been singlespeeding since that exact same holiday, which was one of the first times I rode a real (not botched up) singlespeed.*

Now some people have suggested that Napa is far too posh for singlespeeders. I realised the other day why this was niggling me.

Only the sort or people for whom Napa is not too posh would actually use the word “posh”.

Most singlespeeders are not real dirtbags, they’re faux dirtbags. They’re actually in a comfortable position in life playing at being dirtbags. They are better described as “rufty-tufty”.**

Napa was perfect for predominantly middle-class, predominantly middle-aged, almost certainly well off people who can afford to take time off work and fly intercontinental just for a long weekend at a bike race.

Napa was perfect for the sort of people who don’t just drink wine instead of the cheapest strongest beer and cider they can get from the local Booze Buster, but who can not only tell you the difference between a Merlot and a Cabernet Sauvignon but will even make a choice based on the difference. Napa was perfect for the sort of people who wouldn’t see the inconsistency in taking a vineyard tour and a wine tasting and still complain about it being too posh.

People have moaned about the lack of a Derby as if it singlespeeding has somehow gone tame. Tame? The Derby is already tame. Example. The SSWC07 derby at Aviemore was held in sight of the police station. The police were even watching from the station windows. Were they watching because they felt the need to come out and break it up to protect the women and children of smalltown Scotland threatened by the behaviour of a few pissed up respectable people playing out on bikes like overgrown kids?

No.

The police were watching to make sure we didn’t hurt ourselves.

It’s not as if a gang of real hooligans had turned up was it? Groups of bikers holding up traffic on main street and hanging out in posh coffee shops doesn’t exactly instil in society the the sort of fear people experience when a bunch of away team football supporters are taking over the streets being escorted from the local football ground to the train station when you really do feel as if it could all - quite literally - kick off. The sort of people who would beat up singlespeeders for being “poofs” riding bikes. It annoys me even more because some of the singlespeeders who have since complained about Napa being too “posh” are the same people who have used a tone of disgust while hinting to me about singlespeeders who may have had yer actual hooligan past.

So what other so-called rebel behaviour is left? The slackers out on course. Never mind dropping out of middle-class society these boys are so lacking in willpower they can’t even summon up the self-discipline to manage a three lap race and have to drop out of that****.

Wow.

Those boys sure are scary rebels.

Get real! The hazing out on course is more reminiscent of middle-class frat boys from a John Hughes film than any real bad behaviour that makes people feel really threatened. Heck the local hoodies in the park are much scarier than the Surly guys armed with a six pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon****. I know which group increase my cadence and heart rate more and it isn’t Cheever dressed up as some 1970’s punk impersonation in his spiky Hun helmet and stripy flourescent tights. I’d lay money on real punks such as Jah Wobble setting upon Cheever with a bike chain. These people are actually as soft as pussy-cats in real-life***** and can’t be too anarchist as they have to run a nice capitalist business.

No, when I ride past these groups at singlespeed races the emotion invoked is actually pity rather than fear.

Some people need to face up to the idea that singlespeeding has only ever been rebellious against other factions within cycling, not against society. Rebelling against gears and riding a bike with one gear will not change anything. Actually that’s not true. Marketing types might latch on to the idea and a new lifestyle and a new society niche may be created. But it won’t change anything big. Or important.

Napa was perfect for “nice” rebels to enjoy some “nice” rides on “nice” roads in “nice” weather to a “nice” wine-tasting before returning to “nice” motel rooms, probably via a “nice” coffee shop or “nice” restaurant.

Napa. Perfect.

After party whining. Bitter.

* It was a genuine Paul Sadoff welded Rock Lobster. Yes, I am a singlespeed snob.

** And if that conjurs up images of Tufty the Squirrel then you’re exactly the sort of faux rebel that I’m about to have a go at.

*** No, I didn’t finish SSWC07. Yes, my own self-discipline is weak. I’d never have made it though Jedi primary school. But then I don’t pretend to be a rebel.

**** Drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon to be rebellious and ironic and in touch with your inner working-class blue-collar worker isn’t really ironic. It’s pitiful.

***** I include myself in the soft as pussy cat group. I’m even actually worried in case people misunderstand any of what I’m trying to say and find my rant offensive rather than just a poorly expressed opinion which happens to differ from their own.