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April 24th, 2007

Cycling Isn’t Cool

While we’re more than happy to publicise the new urban cyclist ‘zine I can’t get Morrisey out of my head…

“it says nothing to me about my life”

Morrisey, Panic

I just can’t relate to the urban cycling chic of the fanzine that Jeff and Brad are starting.

This city doesn’t have any courier culture, real or fake. It has no alley cat races or chariot racing and if you organised some you’d be on your own. There are none of the media luvvies that even Manchester can drum up.

Instead it’s worthy commuters in nylon shirts and vicars clips, and most people who do get around by bike don’t consider themselves cyclists, they consider themselves too poor to have a car yet, even if that car is going to be a shagged out MOT-less uninsured Rover Montego - and that tells you something about the kind of folk getting around by bike and what they’re riding. Ride a fixie through town and you’re more likely to be shouted at by a bunch of chavs in a Corsa (Novas finally seem to have died out round here) than catch anyone admiring your oh so middle-class trendy Rapha knickerbockers. And you are too busy trying to avoid being killed by cagers chatting on their mobiles and running red-lights because the systems round here are timed for maximum grid-lock effectiveness.

The only racing round here is the evening time trials. The smell of deep heat and damp church halls filled with nervous roadies getting anal retentive about weight and aerodynamics - they’ve spent more money on a pair of low-profile handlebars than I spend on food in a month only to achieve the upright position of a an old school-mistress because they’ve never bothered to learn the suppleness needed to get an aerodynamic flat back - is not cool.

Actually I lied about that being the only racing. There are the local XC races round a drained marsh that’s as flat as the proverbial witches tit. That’s not cool either.

The local BMX racing would be cool, except, well, it’s BMX racing, which is nowhere near as cool as dirt jumping, and anyway the local residents association are trying to put the mockers on that one. Fucktards.

There is no critical mass. The town centre does a good enough job of getting gridlocked without cyclists assistance. Besides, you’d be on the receiving end of violence if you tried.

There are no wacky art types making graffiti-ed up bicycle chariots and holding impromptu races.

Bikes are still great though.

3 Responses to “Cycling Isn’t Cool”

  1. marek the cyclist Says:

    great words… “Bikes are still great though.” :)

    hey and what about to set bigger letters in this field - im using firefox and its very small, a cant read it… thx

  2. Nick Says:

    Yeah, I get the same problem at home and will look into it.

  3. Mick Says:

    You forgot to mention our wonderful sports arena cycle track…..

    Our mates live in a similar sized city in Northern Italy. The have a similar tarmac cycle circuit in the local park. It is free with no administration and open 24hrs, so you get all manner of people going there for a blast, race or just a cruise round and chat after work - everyone from toddlers to wrinkled old roadies - proper community facility.

    If I want to do the same with my lad in Preston, then it will cost us £80 a year or £7 a visit! So I just don’t bother.

    Fair enough paying to hold an event. But casual users wanting a trundle round when otherwise empty should be free. FFS people walk their sh*tting dogs on it for free!

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