“Clothing in Downhill/4X:
All tight-fitting clothing is not permitted”

If this has anything to do with sponsors then I presume it’s companies like Nissan trying to appeal to a young audience for their Qashqai. You know - that car that is advertised by being used as a skateboard in an ‘urban’ environment.

Only problem with that advert is that by removing all other branding the person using it is wearing the sort of comfy trainers that appear in the catalogues old people get sent. Which, if you care to take a look at who is driving Qashqais, would appear to be spot on. The target market is young and trendy, the actual buyers are old folk with a creaky back who want something high up to sit in ‘cos they’re getting a bit doddery now.

Anyone remember Toyota sponsoring MTBing in the early 90s to try and give the RAV4 yoof appeal? That didn’t work either.

Presumably this also means that tights or 3/4s under baggy shorts is illegal. Which may be a fashion crime, but banning it is a bit harsh.

Last time I looked socks and gloves also counted as clothing. The ‘Nora Batty’ look is now the only officially sanctioned way of wearing your socks too.

Bonkers.

Of course taking this rule literally isn’t quite what the UCI intends us to do. Which kind of defeats the object of a rule which should be taken exactly literally, otherwise it’s merely a guideline. But if they haven’t written what they mean then that opens up a whole can of worms about how tight constitutes a rule breach.

In this rule the UCI has eloquently demonstrated that it needs to be run by people capable of thinking a bit longer and harder. Actually thinking about something other than the next free junket in the first place would be a start.

Another nail in the coffin of the reputation of the UCI as a governing body for MTBing.

Because I don’t travel to rides I’ve grown apart from friends I used to ride with. Earlier in the year I had the chance to ride with a really nice bunch of lads on my old trails, trails I hadn’t ridden in years, and I really enjoyed it. But I used to ride those trails on my own, and as much as I enjoyed the company I missed the solitude. Although I’ve since been invited back out for more rides I just can’t be arsed to cope with all the faff of meeting in car parks and the stops on the trail. Anti-social? Maybe.

I always enjoyed mountain biking as a loner, and it was years before I started to enjoy it with a group of friends. But to use a clumsy metaphor some of those friends were let into the sweet shop that is the SSWC and then complained that they didn’t like the selection. Now I’d have loved to have even been let into the shop, never mind have money to spend there, but I was left outside with my nose pressed against the metaphorical glass leaving smeary nose prints. Alongside lots of other kids who wanted to go too. Now when I pointed out that those kids who were privileged to get into the shop have been whining about the sweet selection it was apparently me that was being insensitive and uncaring of other peoples thoughts.

Well, pardon me!

Having reflected on this recently while in a chilled out good mood floating out back on a surfboard I couldn’t manage to be positive about it at all. But I did catch a cracking wave in.

And as I floated out there I asked myself if it is time to complete the disconnect and just unplug. Just enjoy mountain biking on my own again. And I think that for a while at least, that time is here.

I hope I’m not withdrawing from the circle of friends as we still have other pursuits we share and encourage each other in, our flickr photostreams for example.

Nothing To See Here, Move Along.

I have wanted to distance myself from the sort of singlespeeders who have complained that Napa not being the sort place that a bunch of “dirtbag bike riders” are generally seen.

Now I’ve only been to Napa once, and that was a fleeting pass through on a fly-drive holiday over ten years ago. As it happens I’ve been singlespeeding since that exact same holiday, which was one of the first times I rode a real (not botched up) singlespeed.*

Now some people have suggested that Napa is far too posh for singlespeeders. I realised the other day why this was niggling me.

Only the sort or people for whom Napa is not too posh would actually use the word “posh”.

Most singlespeeders are not real dirtbags, they’re faux dirtbags. They’re actually in a comfortable position in life playing at being dirtbags. They are better described as “rufty-tufty”.**

Napa was perfect for predominantly middle-class, predominantly middle-aged, almost certainly well off people who can afford to take time off work and fly intercontinental just for a long weekend at a bike race.

Napa was perfect for the sort of people who don’t just drink wine instead of the cheapest strongest beer and cider they can get from the local Booze Buster, but who can not only tell you the difference between a Merlot and a Cabernet Sauvignon but will even make a choice based on the difference. Napa was perfect for the sort of people who wouldn’t see the inconsistency in taking a vineyard tour and a wine tasting and still complain about it being too posh.

People have moaned about the lack of a Derby as if it singlespeeding has somehow gone tame. Tame? The Derby is already tame. Example. The SSWC07 derby at Aviemore was held in sight of the police station. The police were even watching from the station windows. Were they watching because they felt the need to come out and break it up to protect the women and children of smalltown Scotland threatened by the behaviour of a few pissed up respectable people playing out on bikes like overgrown kids?

No.

The police were watching to make sure we didn’t hurt ourselves.

It’s not as if a gang of real hooligans had turned up was it? Groups of bikers holding up traffic on main street and hanging out in posh coffee shops doesn’t exactly instil in society the the sort of fear people experience when a bunch of away team football supporters are taking over the streets being escorted from the local football ground to the train station when you really do feel as if it could all - quite literally - kick off. The sort of people who would beat up singlespeeders for being “poofs” riding bikes. It annoys me even more because some of the singlespeeders who have since complained about Napa being too “posh” are the same people who have used a tone of disgust while hinting to me about singlespeeders who may have had yer actual hooligan past.

So what other so-called rebel behaviour is left? The slackers out on course. Never mind dropping out of middle-class society these boys are so lacking in willpower they can’t even summon up the self-discipline to manage a three lap race and have to drop out of that****.

Wow.

Those boys sure are scary rebels.

Get real! The hazing out on course is more reminiscent of middle-class frat boys from a John Hughes film than any real bad behaviour that makes people feel really threatened. Heck the local hoodies in the park are much scarier than the Surly guys armed with a six pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon****. I know which group increase my cadence and heart rate more and it isn’t Cheever dressed up as some 1970’s punk impersonation in his spiky Hun helmet and stripy flourescent tights. I’d lay money on real punks such as Jah Wobble setting upon Cheever with a bike chain. These people are actually as soft as pussy-cats in real-life***** and can’t be too anarchist as they have to run a nice capitalist business.

No, when I ride past these groups at singlespeed races the emotion invoked is actually pity rather than fear.

Some people need to face up to the idea that singlespeeding has only ever been rebellious against other factions within cycling, not against society. Rebelling against gears and riding a bike with one gear will not change anything. Actually that’s not true. Marketing types might latch on to the idea and a new lifestyle and a new society niche may be created. But it won’t change anything big. Or important.

Napa was perfect for “nice” rebels to enjoy some “nice” rides on “nice” roads in “nice” weather to a “nice” wine-tasting before returning to “nice” motel rooms, probably via a “nice” coffee shop or “nice” restaurant.

Napa. Perfect.

After party whining. Bitter.

* It was a genuine Paul Sadoff welded Rock Lobster. Yes, I am a singlespeed snob.

** And if that conjurs up images of Tufty the Squirrel then you’re exactly the sort of faux rebel that I’m about to have a go at.

*** No, I didn’t finish SSWC07. Yes, my own self-discipline is weak. I’d never have made it though Jedi primary school. But then I don’t pretend to be a rebel.

**** Drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon to be rebellious and ironic and in touch with your inner working-class blue-collar worker isn’t really ironic. It’s pitiful.

***** I include myself in the soft as pussy cat group. I’m even actually worried in case people misunderstand any of what I’m trying to say and find my rant offensive rather than just a poorly expressed opinion which happens to differ from their own.

Just over a year ago Zak started getting clumsy on his walks, and was diagnosed with a degenerative nerve disease of the spine, Chronic Degenerative Reticulo Myelopathy. While Zak was cruelly losing control of his legs and back end, the loss of feeling meant at least that it was painless. Oddly he still had the strength to run in his dreams, and he could kick his legs in his sleep.

Despite initial misgivings over his dignity we bought him a dog-cart on trial. We need not have feared. On his first ride we placed him in the cart, threw his toy, and he never looked back. It took a while to figure out a tyre pressure that didn’t bounce him over in corners, especially as he never figured out how wide he was and would run the inner wheel around the trunk of trees on cornering, into the backs of our legs, over the cat…

The wheels gave Zak a new lease of life. By Christmas we had to start strapping his increasingly useless rear legs up to avoid scuffing his toes. He’d also got through his first set of wheel bearings.

By May, at the singlespeed nationals, we feared that Zak wouldn’t make it to Summer.

He surprised us both, and if you were overtaken up the Kenda climb at Mountain Mayhem this year by a dog in a wheelchair - that was Zak.

At Mountain Mayhem

Sadly the spinal deterioration continued to progress and Zak started to lose the strength in his front legs. It was painful to see him stumbling in his beloved chariot.

The time was sadly here to let him go.

Fate is cruel. Yesterday, on his penultimate walk, Zak had another wheel bearing failure. Talk about timing. We had taken him to Coniston, one of his favourite places, for his last weekend, a chance to run and paddle. Zak stoically kept going, as we continually had to grab a one-wheeled sledding dog, then refit his broken wheel. In the end I think it became part of the game.

Today we said goodbye.

Who? Me?

It has become difficult to remember a time Zak didn’t have wheels, he even has his own wheel tracks in the park, one chariot width apart round most of the trees.

Somewhere, once more, he is running free.

We just had a session at the Velodrome and on the way out we were offered cake.

“What’s the occasion?”, Kirsty asked.

“It’s the GB team homecoming cake”.

It was very nice, and perfectly moist. My bit even had ‘Beijin’ iced on the top :)

“Will the World Anti-Doping Agency ask that the International Olympic Committee throw cycling out of its Olympic Games? World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) chief John Fahey stated his organisation might recommend that cycling and weightlifting be excluded because of doping problems.” [cyclingnews.com]

How about WADA starts insisting that other sports start showing the rigour that cycling now does?

This is from the Wikipedia* page about Operation Puerto. To mitigate that I’ve addded links to the referenced articles.

“Whilst the clients of Dr Fuentes include a number of high profile tennis and football stars [cyclingnews.com], media attention has focused almost exclusively on the relatively small number of professional road cyclists that were named in the investigation [El Pais (google translated)].”

This was also repeated by cyclingnews.com:

“On July 5, 2006, Fuentes was quite indignant that only the names of cyclists have been released, and stated that he had also worked with tennis and football players.”

The BBC has some figures for the major sports**, including showing just how lax dope testing is in football:

“You would have to play professional football in England for 432 years before having a 50% chance of being tested at a match.”

So come on Mr Fahey, let’s see the names of those Spanish tennis and football stars involved in Operation Puerto, and let us see how much effort those sports put into drug testing.

The Daily Telegraph was on cyclings side too - though they have recently pulled the article Peddling the Lie That Only Cyclists Cheat pointing out how lax other sports are.

As a cyclist myself I am pleased that WADA targets drug cheats in my sport. But how about tackling other targets too?

* i.e. it’s probably about as accurate as The Sun

** those it can be arsed to televise.

Recently I wondered about where the UCI got it’s funding from:

“I’m not sure where the UCI gets it’s money from - it seems remarkably rich for something funded by national cycling federations.”

Now the BBC has solved the mystery. Apparently it takes bribes. I can’t say I’m surprised.

Kirsty models the plan for my next tattoo. Singlespeed road bikes aren’t the most appropriate bikes to take to the Lake District. Kirsty’s 42:16 was hardly appropriate and my 44:16 was just plain silly.

Huge Hills Not Pictured