Tandems
They’re two of everything.

Two wheels. Two seats. Two riders. Too long (Heh. Even slapping 29er wheels in there makes cock-all difference to wheelbase so you might as well take advantage of the ability to roll). Too big. Too heavy. Too hard to look after. Too big to store. Too fast.

Too much fun.

If singlespeeds are the epitome of simple cycling – no parts to break, no maintenance, and no brainers to ride – tandems ought to be their nemesis. But there’s something about tandems which makes them attractive too, especially the absurdity of taking them off road.

On an off-road tandem suspension is not just a nice to have, it’s nearer an essential. Start with decent front forks and suspension post. Then move on to long travel front forks and full suspension. Face it, there’s no way you can get that front wheel off the ground on it’s own and the world tandem bunnyhop record is still about 4 inches. Obstacles need to be tackled head on.

Lots of gears aren’t a marketing hype, where tandems are concerned. They’re essential. Bottom gear needs to be tiny tiny for the hard work of lugging the weight of the behemoth and it’s crew up the climbs. Top gear on the other hand needs to be absolutely huge to cope with the speeds the weight of the behemoth and it’s crew can accelerate to on the downs. When you understand that a half decent crew can spin out 53-11 on the flat with knobblies you’ll see why.

The biggest tyres you can lay your hands on for grip, and dare I say we’re converts to tubeless on them too?

Then to bring the whole thing to a halt you need brakes. Big brakes. Having burnt out Magura hydraulics and turned discs blue we know which we prefer. We like being able to lock the rear wheel of a laden tandem whilst towing a BOB trailer full of gear. Or at least the captain does. The squeals from the stoker as the whole contraption threatens to jacknife can be funny too…

The best reason for riding tandem is whenever you do any riding that involves riding in pairs. Instead of riding 50 yards apart all day you can’t help but ride together. The captain should wear a backpack full of goodies which the stoker can reach into at demoralising moments – such as the bottom of long climbs – unwrap, and feed to the captain. The stoker can map read at 40 mph hands free. The stoker can take photographs without stopping. Hey! All this talk of not stopping. What’s with that?! Well we’ve found we spend more of our non-riding time in the pub instead of stood in the countryside.

At least the timing chain is singlespeed :-)

Inspired by the recent Tandem Freeride Invitational we pushed our way up Garburn Pass at the weekend and giggled our way back down. I think it was with relief at not dying.